Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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