your thong is hanging out like whoa
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
