well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
