if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
