She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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