Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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