But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
