His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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