do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
