Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
