He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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