he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
