I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
