Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
