the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
tell me about the eggs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
