Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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