i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
