I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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