I just threw up on my dentist
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
