The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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