He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
