sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
