my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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