Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
