yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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