You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
