u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
