Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
