He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
