he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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