and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
