What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
