i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
