just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bring me that man meat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
