I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
