I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
