id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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