There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
