We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
