so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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