hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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