Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
