Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
