how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
