apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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