They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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