Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
