9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
