i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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