u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
