She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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